You Let The Fates Decide
by Rushman2.0
Summary: You got on that boat with your sister's boyfriend. How did you think that was going to turn out? You accepted the fate that was given to you, but when she comes along, you realize that it was given for a reason. Sara Lance's life from when she got on the Queen's Gambit. Written in second person.


**Based on amongst the missing stars in half finished constellations by _verbanski_ on Archive of Our Own. Attempted second person; PLEASE tell me if it's crap.**

* * *

You got on that boat with your sister's boyfriend, just to spite her. You knew it was wrong, but she deserved it, you thought. Only after did you realize how wrong you were. You have regretted that decision almost every day of your life since then, because if you hadn't gotten on that damned boat, none of the crap and crucibles and horrible, unthinkable things in your life since would have happened. Or at least that's what you tell yourself. But at the same time, if you hadn't gotten on that boat, you never would have met her. You never would have let her into your life and, late one night after an exhausting day of training, let her teach you what living feels like. You hadn't realized that you had forgotten.

You go under, and your heart nearly stops, because in that moment, with the freezing water all around you and his voice shouting out your name, you realize what you have done. You ripped your world apart and irreparably damaged your relationship with your sister. And every girl needs a big sister, to tell them all of the things you need to know, and to help you out along the path of life, and comfort you after your first heartbreak. And that in and of itself breaks your heart. You ruined your life in that one step onto the boat. It will never be the same.

You drift for days, unsure of what is real and what is imaginary. You find it ironic, being so thirsty while surrounded by so much water. You even try to drink it, but that doesn't end well. Now, you look back and remember that moment, regretting it, wishing for your old kidneys, instead of having someone else's in your body, doing the work of the ones that failed. But you're desperate; you feel like someone had taken your throat and grated it against sand paper, and placed your tongue under a hot light to suck out every drop of water that was in your body. You sob dry tears, not even able to keep your eyes from drying out. It's torture, but you feel almost deserving of it for what you did. Almost.

When the little bird leads you to the freighter, you think you were dreaming. There's no way you're so lucky. But it's real, and you cry out for help. You yell until you can't yell anymore, and miraculously, they come. But at a price. Only after they haul you from the water do you realize that you are wearing only a thin robe and underwear, and they are all staring at you with lust. They half lift, half drag you down stairs that you are too weak to descend, and throw you with no mercy into a cell, leaving you to plead and cry for release. You ask, what is going on, but don't expect a response. None comes, anyway.

When they come back for you, you are beyond exhausted, and you still haven't eaten or had anything to drink, but still you put up a fight. The man tells you that the more you struggle, the more it'll hurt, but you fight back anyway. Your father wouldn't have wanted you to give in. You were raised to be a fighter. Then the man, your so-called savior steps up, tells them to let you go, and you can't believe it. You cling to him, and follow him to his room, where he locks the door. He assures you it's for protection, but you're on guard now. You don't trust him, but you accept his offer to help him. It's the only way you'll survive.

You see the things that he's doing to these people, and you let him. It's the only way you will escape this crucible. If you fight against him, you will take the place of these caged men. But when Ollie is the one thrown on the floor in front of you, your heart stops. You remain calm, and do what is expected of you; you kick him in the ribs and say "prisoners do not speak" like you have a hundred times before. It feels justified to beat the crap out of him after he left you there to die. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be here in the first place. But it kills you to hear his pained groan.

Ivo questions him, and you shake your head. "Don't let him know that we know each other," you silently plead, and he listens. You act normal, going through the well rehearsed dance you have with Anthony. It never falters. You keep a cool head, but inside you are screaming, your brain is in turmoil, and you just want to run until you can't anymore, scream until you lose your voice, and beat the crap out of anyone who gets in your way. But you can't, so you stay silent, only talking when it is required and keeping your face completely blank, just like you have every day since this mess started.

He asks you to help him warn his friends, and you agree, but at a price. He brings back the little girl you were, but he has grown so much in the year since the accident. You both have. He tells the girl he loves her, and you break a little bit hearing those words, but you have a job to do. You see the betrayal in his eyes with a gun placed between them, and you stop it. In return, he grabs you when his friends come to rescue him. You will wish he hadn't for the rest of your life. If he hadn't, Shado might still be alive, and Slade wouldn't have gone on a vendetta to kill him.

Everything ends back on the boat. You plead with him; you want nothing more than to leave that godforsaken boat and return home. But he has grown so much here, and he has the need to be noble. It doesn't work. You watch him lose, and there is nothing you can do, but you try anyway. He watches you die. And not for the first time. You can't help but think that you and boats don't have a very good track record.

When you wake up, she is standing over you. She is beautiful and exotic, and speaks with the voice of a goddess. She saved you, and you are eternally in her debt. She helps you and protects you, and teaches you how to survive. And where she lives, that is harder than you ever thought possible. They nurse you back to health, and accept you into their home. They clothe you in garments that are weightless and silky to the touch. They feed you with something that tastes like heaven, and you would never have eaten back at home, back when looking good was a large concern. But they also train you; all of the luxurious food used for energy, and it's still not enough.

The training takes its toll on your body, but it is worth it when you land your first hit on her. It was barely a tap, but she lights up at you and you couldn't feel prouder. That night, after exhaustion finally settles, she shows you that the pride is reciprocal. She teaches you to live that night, and it is like nothing you ever could have imagined. It is different than any relationship you've had. In high school, the boys were there to blow off steam; they wanted you for your body and looks. With Ollie, it wasn't because it was you, but rather because you weren't Laurel. It was never about you, but rather some aspect of you that they found appealing. But with Nyssa it's different. She wants you for you, because you trust her enough to let her in and see the real you. She wants it all, not just a little bit of you. You realize one day that you love her, and the next that she loves you.

She taught you so much, and you soak it up. You are eager to make her proud, make her smile and call you her little bird. She teaches you her language, and you speak it only with her. You learn the language of her home, the one everyone speaks. It is of that language that your new name is born. Tah-er Al Asfer, the canary. That little bird that your father got you so long ago, the one that saved your life. You miss your home, but they are better off not knowing who you've become. Because you don't want to know the woman you've become, either.

The first time, it's a simple task. Get in, make the kill, get out. But you can't. Your first mistake is looking into his eyes. He is a horrible person, you know he is, but he's human. You hesitate, and then you can't. She does it for you. She assures you that it will be okay, that it will grow easier with time, but you shake in her arms. When you actually do it for yourself, it is a million times worse than you could have imagined. You can't breathe, you can't blink, your brain shuts down and you break. Your soul shatters into a million pieces, and only one stays with you. She is right though, it does get easier with time, almost to the point where it is boring, but when you feel nothing it is worse. You doubt your ability to feel anything after a while, and that's when you realize that it has to end. But hearing the news that your family is in danger makes up your mind for you. It's time to go.

You sneak out in the middle of the night, using the shadows for cover and everything she taught you to escape the confinement of the place that has become your prison. After that, it is surprisingly easy. You find your family and see your father for the first time. He cries over you, and that's when you realize that you do still have a soul. It just won't last if you go back. So you stay. It's easier here, where you can keep your family safe and slowly make amends with Oliver. But then, when you have finally settled into the way of life, she finds you.

She advances on you, and you are frozen on the spot. You don't know if she will actually kill you. Did you hurt her that much? But then she nears and you see it in her eyes. Yes, you did. And yet, the longing and heart-wrenching desire to let her hold you and whisper in your ear again takes over, and you return the kiss that she gives you. You almost cry with joy, because she's back. And you missed her so much it hurts.

* * *

**I feel like it's kinda weird, but I wanted to get it down. Please, once again, tell me if it's crap. I'm planning on doing a sequel for what happens after, but it's 11 PM and this isn't going to end well if I keep writing. I'll probably pick up right where I left off and end somewhere after the end of Unthinkable, maybe later depending on what season three has in store for us. Love you guys!**


End file.
